How to Play Fantasy Football: The Clueless Girl’s Saga

July 25, 2013
IN Entertainment, Hobbies

This picture was my first exposure to the anatomy of a football team, for real. I barely knew what positions existed, nonetheless how to play fantasy football.

I know I’m not alone. None of this “I’m sure I’m not the only one who…” business; bitch, I am positive I am not the only female who has no idea how to make a fantasy football team. Which players are good? What is this one supposed to do? Or any of them?

I’m lucky I even know there’s supposed to be 11 of them playing on each team at a time. But also, why 11? Such a random number. So many questions, so let’s dive in.

Fantasy Football Basics

Here is some basic information about how to play fantasy football that I gathered to keep us afloat on this not-so-impossible-anymore journey.

Fantasy Football is a fictional collection of the real-life players you draft to make up your own fantasy team.
Team structure will vary by league (i.e. some have two quarterbacks instead of one, etc.), play attention to your Fantasy Football league’s constitution for those details when it’s time.
Some people take Fantasy Football REALLY seriously, especially if they’ve been part of a league for years. Always a good idea to read the room before committing/contributing, to see how serious a vibe the group is and if it’s a good fit for you.
Every league has a Commissioner, this is the NFL equivalent of the head boss. She/he coordinates the league’s rules, when the draft will take place, collects any buy in fees for the league and likely provides regular updates throughout the season. The Commissioner of the NFL, at the time of this article’s publication, is Roger Goodell (spoiler alert: he’s a bad guy, but your league commissioner probably isn’t). Knowledge of his is not necessary to play Fantasy Football at all, but his is a good name to know in conversation.
Each person who participates in your Fantasy Football league will henceforth be referred to as a team/team owner. For example, “my Fantasy Football league has eight teams” means there are eight people playing in the league. Each team = a person. You are in charge of one team, your team.

Next up, let’s talk about how to survive the draft party, whether you’re hosting or attending.

Draft Party 101

The actual NFL season kicks off in early September. The exact date changes every year, but your league’s draft will likely be sometime mid to late August.
If you’re drafting on a computer (Yahoo, ESPN, etc.) be sure everyone has internet access before go time.
If you’re drafting offline, you’re still going to want internet access, or an extensive cheat sheet pre-vetted with the players ranked. I’ve survived the offline draft several times before, it’s not that terrifying. However, I did draft someone suspended for domestic violence because I didn’t vet him beforehand, sooo that wasn’t great.
Allow plenty of time for the draft (drafts can last 2-3 hours or more, depending on league size).
Do your research! Have a wish list ahead of time, regardless of online or offline drafting.
Be flexible, someone may steal your dudes so have both a top pick and a backup plan before every turn!

My competitive spirit will not let me be taken down by some dudes with an NFL Game Day subscription. This is the prolific 1st down of 300 yards of knowledge and ass kicking.